While that is a huge relief for us all, the counterbalance is finding out the car I replaced my red 1995 Ford Mustang convertible with, my Boston Red 2013 Hyundai Veloster, has hidden costs. Apparently the tire size and type is unusual and there aren't many choices. I am about to have my THIRD set of high performance tires put on. Each set is lasting about 16-18 months and the phrase "high performance" is the critical data. Since a set costs over $900, I am more than unhappy! The only silver lining comes in the form of one of these four being replaced for $90 because the old tire had a slow leak from a nail and was covered under road hazard warranty. Now that I (and the tire manufacturers) are seeing more Velosters on the road, hopefully the selection will improve.
Meanwhile, I got a discounted reading offer from TAROT.COM and took them up on it. I've attached the file and I find it to be spot on, but a bit more optimistic than I've been feeling.
Fort Gordon, Georgia (mid-90s)
A modern mechanism is the "coffee date." This, or similar public venues, for first meetings evolved somewhat from the modern phenomenon of internet (online) dating. The constructed persona is dispelled and disparate individuals can move beyond presentation. It is easy to be clever when responding digitally with plenty of time. It is easy to emphasize or deemphasize things that direct contact reveals. Early dating is a screening process. Online dating can accelerate the early steps, but fact-finding is crucial.
Druid Oracle: Stag ... messenger, beginnings
Goddess Tarot: 2 of Swords ... truce
Horoscope: Work effectively ... organize
What does truce have to do with a relationship or life situations? I believe it means accepting the role of messenger, the truce bearer, releasing blame, and working effectively toward a new beginning. Whether or not that new beginning includes the other person or the current factors and commitments is irrelevant. What matters is moving on, moving forward, moving toward.
I've spent a lot of time in my head lately as I've been tired fighting some kind of respiratory bug. I think my most critical factor in getting beyond feeling stuck is defining the relationship with the guy who used to be my significant other and is now barely a friend and roommate. I can plan it, see it in my head, and try to start the conversation. However, something always blocks it. I am unsure whether that is just bad timing, my lack of resolve, or intentional on his part. But that is definitely the next step that will change the situation and not just the surroundings/circumstances.
Galaxy Runes: RAIDO ... perspective/planning
Druid Oracle: Air Dragon ... insight/clarity
Some months ago, I was searching for a slogan to move me forward. Shortly after my divorce I developed one. Well, two actually. One for the past and one for the future. The divorce motto was mostly about feeling, while the current one is mostly about action.
Divorce: Old and tired ... Young and happy.
Now: Stuck and distracted ... Motivated and focused.
Basically, I search for a perspective that addressed the barriers I'd encountered and the blocks I was feeling. Then, I focused on what I wanted to come up the insight, i.e. motto. I still feel stuck, but less distracted. My block is taking the actions that I know are necessary to build momentum.
Cards: 6 of Water (community) / Frog (sensitivity) / The Star (guidance)
Horoscope: Clarification / Perspective
As individuals, we need to participate in both the local community and the wider world. That wider world can be as small or as big as we need it to be. I have personally been narrowing my perspective over the last few years. I've become desensitized to the broader perspecitive because of the bigotry and blatant self-aggrandizement displayed by our politicians and celebrities. I've become disgusted by social media because it lacks any broader perspective. It clarifies nothing. It provides no guidance. We need to establish our own guiding principles and ethics and apply them personally and in our interactions with others. "Truth" is subjective as it exists within a given set of circumstances. "Fact" is not. It is based on logic and evidence, not opinion and emotion. We need to demand facts before we accept anyone's truth, even our own.
First, this is a sincere attempt to restart my daily practice. I will continue to journal about personal topics, but I will focus on some thought or current event that catches my attention each day.
I attended a memorial service for the father of a close friend on Sunday. She and her husband made a roughly 2-hour drive north and I made roughly the same going south. She has always been something of an outsider in her family where she's the youngest of three children. She's the only one to live a significant distance away and not to produce grandchildren. I went largely to be a resource for her.
As I watched the interplay between her, her siblings and extended family who attended; I began to wonder about the influence of simple proximity on family ties. If early bonds with family members are strong, then later dispersal will have less of an effect on those relationships. If not, those "remote" family members become more and more isolated. They are blamed for not maintaining those relationships and marginalized.
I experienced this myself. When my ex-husband and I were assigned to the various Army posts, his family visited only once. My sister and my dad never visited. My mom visited multiple times, but our relationship has always been close. Once we'd moved "back home," I was expected to make and coordinate my plans to everyone else's schedule. I was expected to do the driving and the compromising based on a multitude of justifications. The dominant ones being that I wasn't raising children, wasn't running my own business, and was either "used to travel" or "taking my turn."
So, how do you respond if this is your role? Initially, I conformed and quickly wished myself back to being "too far away" to get involved. Apparently, I am also Switzerland. As a neutral party, I wound up explaining family members to one another and trying to maintain detente. The emotional demands of this position were/are such that I don't maintain a lot of extended family relationships or friendships if the other party doesn't make an equal effort.
The exception to this rule is of course that I believe in doing the "right" thing. For me, the right thing is an ethical choice: Do my actions reflect the person I want to be and the things that I believe in." Under that rule, proximity isn't as important. But literal proximity does affect the amount of time family spends involved with one another. Distance and detachment do reduce family ties.
(Quote for the 2015 Wild Words from Wild Women 2015 Desk Calendar)
I think middle age was more for figuring out yourself and then you get to be yourself ... if you have the determination. You have to let some things (and some people) go and insist on shaping your life and yourself to your own standards. Your vision may not be what others approve of. Or, you may be part of a crowd and wind up defending your "sameness," but that's okay too.